Solitude

Solitude is a wonderful thing. I'm convinced of it. Of course, some of that could be due to the fact that I'm an introvert by nature.

There are downsides to it. Sometimes when I'm alone in my house, especially at night, I scare myself. I imagine someone is after me. I think there's an assassin with a knife or evil red eyes right around the corner. I tell myself that I'm being silly, but my heart doesn't listen to me. It continues beating more quickly than I would like. Even if I can't keep my heart under control, I do force myself to walk calmly and quietly into my bedroom, shutting my door slowly, not darting inside and slamming the door behind me.

Besides the inevitable freak-outs, I still love solitude. There's something comforting about being alone. I can sing or think or do whatever I want and I won't bother anyone and no one can distract me. One definite perk of my summer job was that it was twenty minutes away from cell reception and internet, an hour away from an almost large city, and three and a half hours away from my house. Although that doesn't seem like an advantage, I was very grateful for the time it gave me to be alone. Most of driving time was spent listening to my iPod, singing along, of course. No one was there to be offended when my music was a bit screamy or when I sang at the top of my longs to my favorite part.

There is another, probably more important, aspect of solitude. Solitude gives me time to think, time to process. It's wonderful to be able to dream about the future and think about the past. There is so much that can be thought about, but I don't usually do it because I'm surrounded by people all of the time.

Solitude also gives me a chance to get in touch with my heart and in touch with God. When I wasn't singing like a madwoman, I was praying. I could look at the beauty of the mountains around me and thank God for them instead of being distracted by the conversations around me. Now don't get me wrong; I love people. I love having conversations with people and hanging out with friends. I can learn so much from others. But at the same time, I need to be able to know myself and be in touch with God to be able to fully appreciate others. When I am in a good place with myself and with God, I can love others all the better.