Solitude

Solitude is a wonderful thing. I'm convinced of it. Of course, some of that could be due to the fact that I'm an introvert by nature.

There are downsides to it. Sometimes when I'm alone in my house, especially at night, I scare myself. I imagine someone is after me. I think there's an assassin with a knife or evil red eyes right around the corner. I tell myself that I'm being silly, but my heart doesn't listen to me. It continues beating more quickly than I would like. Even if I can't keep my heart under control, I do force myself to walk calmly and quietly into my bedroom, shutting my door slowly, not darting inside and slamming the door behind me.

Besides the inevitable freak-outs, I still love solitude. There's something comforting about being alone. I can sing or think or do whatever I want and I won't bother anyone and no one can distract me. One definite perk of my summer job was that it was twenty minutes away from cell reception and internet, an hour away from an almost large city, and three and a half hours away from my house. Although that doesn't seem like an advantage, I was very grateful for the time it gave me to be alone. Most of driving time was spent listening to my iPod, singing along, of course. No one was there to be offended when my music was a bit screamy or when I sang at the top of my longs to my favorite part.

There is another, probably more important, aspect of solitude. Solitude gives me time to think, time to process. It's wonderful to be able to dream about the future and think about the past. There is so much that can be thought about, but I don't usually do it because I'm surrounded by people all of the time.

Solitude also gives me a chance to get in touch with my heart and in touch with God. When I wasn't singing like a madwoman, I was praying. I could look at the beauty of the mountains around me and thank God for them instead of being distracted by the conversations around me. Now don't get me wrong; I love people. I love having conversations with people and hanging out with friends. I can learn so much from others. But at the same time, I need to be able to know myself and be in touch with God to be able to fully appreciate others. When I am in a good place with myself and with God, I can love others all the better.

Sadness

Sadness is when plans to do fun stuff don't work out. Sadness is having an unopened pack of burritos stolen out of your room fridge. Sadness is having to lock your door and not trust people anymore. Sadness is having your computer act up and randomly die. Sadness is when your brother tries to save your files and only manages to get a fourth of your original documents before the entire hardrive burns out. Sadness is knowing that your password files, school papers, pictures from Germany, and all your music is gone. Sadness is when you told yourself you should back everything up just before the dang computer died. Sadness is when you just want to curl up in your bed and forget the world but you can't. Sad day.

Adventure

I really love having adventures. Tonight, as I was sitting outside watching the clouds and listening to one of my friends playing a quirky song he's writing about Hobbes' Leviathan, I decided that I wanted to go on an adventure. I dropped my books off in my room and started on my quest. I couldn't decide whether I should go to the park or go to main street, so I just went through the park to get to main street. Nothing amazingly exciting happened like I had hoped, but while I walked by I did get to pray for a lot of people who were hanging out in the park. It was enough.
Last night I stayed up until four talking with another one of my friends. We talked about a variety of subjects, some of them very bizarre (I blame it on the late hour) and some pretty serious. At one point in time, we talked about life being an adventure.
I want live in an adventure. I want go teach overseas. I want to learn to ride camels, wrap sarongs, use chopsticks as easily as a fork, and speak a new language. I want to go rock climbing and scuba diving and kayaking. I want see many different places and do exciting things. Those are all things I would love to do, but ultimately, those will not be fulfilling.
What would be the greatest adventure? To really live for Christ everyday. I am so excited about that. Just think, isn't that an amazing thought? Would it not be amazingly exciting to be totally in tune with God's voice and follow his direction in everything? To buy lunch for a homeless man or volunteer to help troubled teens? To give someone a place to crash for a few nights when they need a place to stay? To give some of your possessions to others when you feel led? To get to know people who are often overlooked? To develop relationships with people wherever you go in order to show God's love? To invite lonely people over for dinner and show real hospitality? To open up your home and your time whenever needed? To be totally open to following any command God gives you and living unselfishly for others? To me, that would be totally exciting!
That is what I want. No matter where I end up or what I do, I want to live for God everyday. I want to be focused on him every moment, attentive to his commands. I want to be a servant to others. That would be an amazing adventure and I'm seriously about it excited guys! It's a quest I'd like to start on right now.

Burma

There are so many bad things happening in the world, and here is yet another. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the bad and don't want to think about it anymore. Sometimes I give in to the temptation to just ignore any problems occurring outside my own little world. Then I realize what I'm doing. I'm ignoring injustice. I'm not standing up for the poor, the orphans and the widows, I'm just standing aside to let the wicked trample all over them. As one who calls myself a follower of Christ, should I not follow his lead? In the days of television and internet, I have no excuse to be uninformed and silent.
If you have not heard about what is going on in Burma, please find time to read this article.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article2545351.ece

Storms

It started raining yesterday afternoon. I love rain. The only thing I don't like about rain is how it can get my books wet. I don't have a backpack or messenger bag, and though I'm thinking of ordering a Project 86 messenger bag online, I don't have it now when it rains. I usually just shove my books under my hoodie. That probably looks quite ridiculous, but it is effective nonetheless.
Last night I was very cold when I went to bed, as seems to be the case every night. I don't think my inner heater is working very well. It isn't even very cold when I go to bed, usually the upper sixties, yet I'm always chilly. I'm using all of my blankets already, so I don't know what I'll do when the weather gets colder. I suppose I could always use my beach towel and bedroll.
I had dozed off last night only to be awakened in the early morning. At first I didn't know what had awakened me, or even that it was morning. My room was pitch-black, which was my first clue that something was wrong. Usually a lightpost right outside my window keeps the room from becoming too dark, so the blackness confused me. Then I heard a sickeningly loud clap of thunder. It was so loud that I jumped in my bed. The next crack shook my whole room. For the next few minutes, I just lay curled up in bed waiting for the lightening to strike me.
Gradually though, it quieted down until silence reigned. Suddenly my fridge, printer, and the light outside turn on at once. It was almost six. I stretched out and tried to go back to sleep as I waited for my alarm to go off.

Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur is the most solemn, holy day in the entire Jewish year. It is the day of atonement. Yom Kippur started at sundown on Friday and ended at sundown on Saturday. During that time, we could not eat, drink, wash anything except our hands and eyes, or wear leather shoes. Just like Ninevah in the story of Jonah, we tried to humble ourselves and ask for God's forgiveness for our wrongdoings.
For traditional Jews, this is the day that their sins are forgiven for the year. It is the day that the Book of Life is closed, and they pray that their name is written in it. For Messianic Jews and Christians, we know that our names are already in the Book of Life. We use this holiday to thank God for saving us and ask his forgiveness for hurting him after all he has done for us.
After sundown we broke our fast with a "feast." Kendra, my friend who was in charge of Yom Kippur, bought all the ingredients so we made rice, kreplachs (Jewish dumplings/raviolis that are filled with beef, boiled, and fried), and an amazing layered apple cake. We broke our fast with water (yes!) and then had a great time eating together. After dinner, we had a short service of confession and prayer. After that, we basically hung out and drank tea. It was an amazing day.
What's really exciting, is that Sukkot is in five days. Sukkot is a holiday that celebrates God's goodness to his people. I love how we have a holiday of fasting to ask his forgiveness, and it is immediately followed by a holiday to thank him for his forgiveness and faithfulness. It's amazing.

Days of Awe

These days, the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, are known as the High Holy Days, or as I prefer, the Days of Awe and Penitence. The ten days between these holidays are supposed to be times of reflection. We're supposed to be evaluating our actions, our lives, and our relationships with God to see what we need to change in the coming year.

I have to admit, I haven't been as contemplative as I had planned on being. I haven't spent enough time with God and blamed it on classes and commitments. Even the time that I had planned to get up early to pray, I just hit the snooze alarm. Pretty much, I failed.

I think it's great how God can work in my life despite me. Even though I have not been faithful, he has. I really wanted to see what parts of my life need changing, but apparently I don't want it enough to put in the effort. Despite my laziness, God has totally used different circumstances to convict me of things that I hadn't even been on my mind.

It's kind of frustrating to see how I've fallen back into the same sins that I thought I had beaten so long ago. Yet, God has shown me that the cancer is still there, and will continue being there unless I rely on him to take it away. He has also shown me other ideas that I've been subconsciously holding that really aren't true at all.

On Friday evening at sundown, Yom Kippur begins. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement where we fast, confess our sins, and stand in awe of Jesus' sacrifice. I am thankful that God is helping me to prepare for that day, even if I am quick to forget.